this blog belongs to me, what is here is for mine to keep,
memories which i want to preserve, to keep,to cherish,
and to love, feast your eyes on my tales, but warn you i do dare,
to be honest,to criticise and say what i desire,. my life is unveiled,
exposed, to you...
[about moi].
this garden belongs to cilliness
Age:`18
Born in:`Singapore
Grew up in:`Philippines
[loves]
`to dance
`to dream
`to draw
`to cheer
`to eat beef, potatoes and tomatoes
`to listen to music
`outdoor activites
`my family
`my friends
`Clique 5 + one guy
`Teddy! x]
[Searching for]
`True Love
`the real me
`peace and rest
[The threads of my net]
.im a girl who nobody knows.
.nobody knows the real me.
.nobody knows who i really am.
.living another person's life.
.a soul in another body.
.wanting to break free.
.like a butterly tangled in a net.
.i never dared to break free.
.afraid of rejection.
.always wearing a mask to fit in.
.so stressed up.
.i want my life back.
.one thing i am sure of.
.i love my family.
.love them more than i love myself.
.i love teddy, oh yes i do.
.miss my old friends.
.miss the memories.
.miss my old life.
.miss the old times.
.when i was free.
.when i could let my hair down.
.when i could be just me.
.torn butterfly.
dont leave me [alone again]
[people in moi net.]
[links]
Adele
AiZat
Annabelle
AqhARi
BenEdiCt
cHaRmAiNeX
Cheng Earn
CheRine
EuGene
HaFidZ
HuiShi
JaNAnI
Janice-LiLing
Jillian
Ji ShEng
Joel
Ju Lin-GreenAngel*
KoOnz
Kt
LyU-sis*
Marcus
MayguSs
MelIssA*
MelIsSaLiNg
NeLsoN
RoNg Hua-Uncle
RongYao
Sarah
Stephanie-YanLing
WanQian
WeiJiE
YiBiN
Zuraida
.
[moi]
Saturday, March 03, 2007
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| im back posting lyrics again... haha. i fell in love with this song the very first time i heard it! it's classic and touches the heart right in the middle. and it shows exactly how me and me dear boyfriend feels. =] shall put it in my blog when i have the time to. =] Lemar: "Tick Tock" I gotta leave again I don't wanna go Things can be so lonely on the road Could be the presidential suite But nothing's ever like your bed at home Especially when your'e away from the one you love It gets tough Even though it hurts when i'm off at work Looking at her picture soothes my pain And for a moment I, find myself right back at home again I remember, through the ups and downs of my day I can say, my baby will be [Chorus] Sitting, waiting, longing, holding on for me While the time goes tick tock tick tock My baby will be Sitting, waiting, longing, holding on for me While the time goes tick tock tick tock She's gotta leave again She don't wanna go Hates to be away from me so long She calls me everyday but She can't kiss her baby on the phone When we're hanging up The tears start rolling down Even though she cries She can find her smile Cos she knows with me her heart is safe Funny how time away, makes a loving heart grow fond again She remembers, through the ups and downs of her day She can say, oh that i'll be... Sitting, waiting, longing, holding on for her While the time goes tick tock tick tock Her baby will be Sitting, waiting, longing, holding on for her While the time goes tick tock tick tock Oh, we remember, through the ups and downs of our days We can say, oh that we'll be [Chorus x2] Sitting, waiting, longing, holding on for love While the time goes tick tock tick tock Oh we will beSitting, waiting, longing, holding on for love While the time goes tick tock tick tock i hope to catch you with my net before you leave mi 7:35 AM |
Friday, February 23, 2007
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things that i hate so much now:
things i love:
that is all. oh if you were wondering, cny wasn't all that great. oh well. pics will be posted up when thhe cam is finally with me. toodles
=ch!lz= cille
i hope to catch you with my net before you leave mi 8:40 AM |
Thursday, January 25, 2007
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| hey people i went to this website www.handwritingwizard.com which was pretty fun and had really surprising results if you do it accurately..haha below is my result..be 'wowed' haha. For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Lucille has left some white space on the left side of the paper. Lucille fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion moving the entire writing rightward as she moves down the page. If this is true, then Lucille has a healthy relationship to the past and is ready to move on. The right side of the page represents the future and Lucille is ready and willing to get started living now and planning for the future. Lucille is leaving the past behind and moving on to what she perceives as an exciting and enticing future. Lucille has a very unusual lower zone y loop. If the data input is correct, Lucille's y or g is large and has triangle shape to the lower loop. This is not a common trait, but the implications are very interesting. As you begin to study handwriting analysis, you will learn any loop indicates imagination. This lower loop indicates the amount of imagination Lucille has regarding sex and physical things. Her lower zone stroke is large, so her sexual imagination is large and open. Furthermore, because the loop has a triangle shape, this indicates a particular curiosity with certain aspects of sexuality. In a nutshell, Lucille is open to some very new ideas sexually and is willing to try anything once. I'd say Lucille is quite a dynamic and playful lover. Watch out world! Lucille has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people. Lucille is constantly disappointed when trying to reach success. She works very hard, perhaps harder than most, then just before succeeding, something happens that keeps her from success. Often, Lucille changes to a second project just before the first one is finished, thus failing to complete the first project. Sometimes she changes because she feels she needs a different challenge. Lucille feels dejected. This feeling relates to her failures. This trait is very important in a working situation and in a relationship. She must be handled in a very special way to get the most work from her or to make a relationship last. Concerning this trait, personality modification is available to change her life. Something is incomplete in Lucille's life. She feels frustration relating to her physical needs and desires. Somewhere in her life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Lucille's sexual needs. Lucille is having a lack of physical energy at the time this handwriting was written. If someone has very short and straight down lower loops (like in the y or g), this indicates this person's physical drive (activity or sex) is compromised. Usually, this indicates the person simply isn't interested in getting too physical right now. This could be a temporary mood which often happens when the body is sick and is healing. Or, this could be a result of an emotional or physical issue that is effecting Lucille 's energy level and interest in sex. Sex doesn't seem to be a priority at the moment. Lucille is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Lucille basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average. In reference to Lucille's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Lucille slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project. She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Lucille can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip. Lucille will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it! Lucille will demand respect and will expect others to treat her with honor and dignity. Lucille believes in her ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. She has a lot of pride. Lucille is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes. Lucille will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Lucille an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other. When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Lucille is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story. Lucille is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue. People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Lucille doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others. wooo........haha.hope you enjoyed that...! =] my dear friends who have not tried this please do so...=] esp mel, jan, sis and julin..=] =ch!lz= cille i hope to catch you with my net before you leave mi 7:21 AM |
Monday, January 15, 2007
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| hey babes! my friend sarah intorduced to me her friends' web http://cocoquettes.livejournal.com/ where they sell some pretty earrings they made. i fell in love with 3 of them already. hehe...=] check it out babes! =] p.s if you wanna buy lemme know, i'll tell sarah... =] i hope to catch you with my net before you leave mi 5:51 AM |
Friday, January 12, 2007
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| i apologise to my dear audience for the sudden explosion of emotions. it was an unexpected reaction due to the overwhelming pressure, confusion and tension of the environment. i assure you the situation is now under control and such occurences will not arise without warning in advance. i sincerely apologise to those who have been affected. if there are any queries on the current situation you may leave a message and i will get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you. Have a nice day. =] haha..........yup....feeling better............ =] alright. time to share the memories. christmas eve 2006 stayed over at ju's place. watched movies till the wee hours. suppose to indulge in our haagen daz ice cream but it was soft. ugh. what a turn off. so we had juice. i drank like 3/4 of teh carton in just one movie. omg. haha. was falling asleep in the second movie. finally went to bed at 3. woke up tearing at 7 am. teddy was at the airport . leaving for thailand soon. will miss him so much...... christmas 2006 rushed to my place early cuz all family and relatives popping by my place for lunch cum dinner. my lasagna was a failure again. duno why it was so watery. shucks. nvm shall try again. and again. and again until i succeeded!!! uncle brough turkey and ham. nice. big o's stuff are really good. (free advertising) my aunt ballooons. we had ballooon fight. i was involved. so fun. haha. oops. gave out candies to the kids. they were so happy. took lots of wacky photos. must be comfortable with who i am see. haha. celebrated y cute adorable super doted cousin xue xue's birthday too. we watched a video of her performance. man she can dance. she's only 5 years old. haha. so cute! haha. at times her underwear was exposed. haha. she was so embarrassed when we laughed. so cute! aunt bought awfully chocolate cake and ice cream. it was so rich. tasted fantastic. it's the only chocolate cake and ice cream that i will never get sick of. it's so sinful..but who cares! haha. (free advertising again) people finally left much later. julin stayed over. watched movie till late even though i had to work morning. julin was afraid of my bed. julin was afraid of my bed. hahaha. but so comfy and breezey right? better than lyui's bed. so hard and stiff. might as well sleep on the floor. tsk. 30 dec went out with my girlfriends jan and mel. wah couldn't make it. sad. jan was late. as usual. goodness. haha. we went to plaza sing thai express. sadly i couldn't enjoy the food cuz i burnt my tongue early in the afternoon. what a curse. haiz. but the seafood salad and the banana fritter with coconut ice cream was the bomb man! it was amazing! I LOVE IT! we must go back there ok? next time with our complete clique! ;] went to la senza. bought a few more underwear. can never have enough you know. jan was so funny. hahaha. but we had fun. took pics after that. miss you babes. =] new year's eve mel came over my place. she watched da vinci code while i do my painting. we didn't notice the time was already 7 when it ended. shucks. so we quickly went to prepare the food. she wanted to bake lasagna. haha. so we did. by the time we ate, it was 10. imagine that. we watched herbie fully loaded with my bro's friends who came over to stay too. omg. haha. my house is like a boarding house that day. haha. countdown together. toast. drink. watched movie again. edison was boring. fianlly went to sleep. mel wasn't afraid of my bed. she was amused by it. haha. nice to sleep right? welcome to pop by anytime! =] sch reopen. boring. have to rush project. it's mad. grades were surprising. those i expected to do well i didn't. those i didn't i did. haiz. sad. oh well. i finally thought it through. that roche volunteered me, adele and sarah to be involved with the open house. haiz. but oh well. can get seal points. haha. pathetic. 12 jan. friday. suppose to go to town with adele cuz she's meeting her friends there too. but she was sick. see lah. so much for eating what i want to eat. hahaha. poor girl. anyway, met mel first at far east. went to area 51. damn, i can never step out of that shop empty handed. love the skirts and shorts. hehe. met the rest at heeren at 6. went to vilage to eat. missed the place..i mean marche lah..but the stuff are still the same. wanted stingray but they didn't have it. argh. so had roschti and calamari..shared with mel. mq the bday girl ordered piza and wedges too. thankies dear! and thanks for the belated bday pressie too! haha. =] after dinner we went to starbucks. i went to cheers to buy some booze. the guys were still hungry, went to buy subway. goodness. linus appetite was huge. one foot long still can't satisfy his hunger. haha. we chatted and chatted. so fun to just sit and hang out. haha. most of us didn't change lah. some only..yup...haha.. it was raining hevaily when we left. when i was walking home this stupid bus zoomed passed and splashed water all over me. freak ass. i was shivering after that! bloody shit. argh. haiz.. yawn..so sleepy..im still waiting for my teddy bear to msg me..he's in camp..in sch..sigh...i still got work tom..haiz...kk..i go first.. night people! i enjoyed myself tonight! hope you people did too! =] to mq. i wish you first. i may nto ahve time to sing for you on the 14th. haha HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEI QI! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =] =ch!lz= cille i hope to catch you with my net before you leave mi 8:07 AM |
Friday, January 05, 2007
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| oh crap. beginning of a new year but it's already bad. does the dragon and the pig have a bad relationship or is it just me? it's just the first week and i am having so much problems. Work first of all, my work. are they just taking advantage of me just because i find it hard to say no? so many people want to take leave and i have to fill in for them. almost everyday of the week i need to report to work even after sch. if i ahdn't request on certain days i would be working everyday except thursdays due to my cds. wtf. my supervisor seriously doesn't know how to plan. can you like gather all the staff and make an agreement on when they can take leave so i don't have to come in all the time even a week before my main exam. she even asked me to work 1 or 2 days before my exam. wtf. have you got any brain at all? maybe education isn't important to you but it is to me. fucking shit. all you know how to do is get mc and not turn up for work. tell us things not to do but you are doing it. she better back off or i will really scream at her face when she goes overboard. resignation is not hard. School because of work i can't finish my project and hw on time. wtf. i have no social life. i can't hang out with my friends cuz of work and i feel so bad. i keep forgetting stuff. can't get enough sleep or rest. i was quite diappointed with my rsb marks. i thought i had it. i mean, if i did badly i didn't expect it to be that bad. but i guess i shouldn't feel that bad cuz for the 2 subjects i didn't think i could do well i did well. and i felt really bad for my friend. she didn't do that well among us. i really want to help her but i don't know how. i don't really know her that well yet so i do not know how to comfort her. i don't even know how to comfort myself besides crying myself to sleep. i am so useless. and the guys in my class. USELESS. PATHETIC. first it was chong wei. ask me to get a job for him, then tells them he can only work one month and dec he has another job. wtf. and i am so freaking disappointed with yeo-koh. i had high hopes that he will be responsible. he asked me to help him get a job from fc. i did. i told him to promise me he will be hard-working, he did. then i get complaibns from my manager that he is always on mc. never calls the shop to inform them. so i told him. after that it got worse. he didn't even turn up at all. he can't even be bothered to return their call and just tell them he wants to resign. wtf. i never spoke to him again. sight of him pisses me off. worse, guys in my group won't do their work until we tell them to. the leader is the one who sets which day to have meetings and what we should discuss. but end up us girls doing the job. wtf. i can't stand it. basic requirements can't even be fulfilled. hopeless. Family i though things could change. i thought our situation will get better. wtf, it didn't. my father finally got his pay, he paid me back for what he owed me, he payed me back for my sch expenses and transportation fees, finally paid back my relatives whom my mom had to borrow money from. but they don't mean anything to me. what i want him to do is to save it. save it for a rainy day. plan long term. but he doesn't do it. still doesn't do it. he still splurges on things that are not neccessary! talked about getting a flat screen tv, bought a dryer, but what really pissed me off is that he BOUGHT AN EXPENSIVE GOLD NECKLACE. now wth is that? is that necessary? i told him to save the money so we can renovate our flat especially the windows cuz it's freaking old. wait till the day when our flat collapse into dust then he will regret that he didn't save. fucking shit. how old are you? always telling me to plan my future. you don't even fucking do it yourself!!! my mother. hah. always complain. she only knows how to complain. nag nag nag nag nag. as if i do not have enough things to worry about. yeah, she can't go and work cuz she has to look after my broither and the houshold chores but please, you are buying ice cream, buying chips, buying canned drinks and toys for them! is that necessary? always complain they are so naughty but you are spoiling them by buying all that! next my sis. hopefully she gets better. i can;'t take another disappointment. she better do her job well. she better not anyhow spend money. she better stop going to clubs. stop complaining that she's fat when she is always eating late or still goes out to have supper with friends. wtf. is that necessary. friends are more important then your family? and you claim that you love your family very much. then you should have taken up a part time job long ago instead of waiting for a dead end. keep partying like there's no tom. well soon there will be no tom if you don't start thinking clearly and be more sensible! you are freaking 21 and soon 22. you are the eldest you should be atking up responsibilities. instead, all responsibilties are pushed to me! i am the one saving for the rainy day. i am like a bank. when you need money you borrow from me and take ages to rerturn me and still can say i am irritating always asking for my money back. hello. i am paying for my own meals, my own expenses. i need the money. freak. and i have not been able to visit my great grandpa these few weeks. my grandma is always thinking a lot, stressed, blood pressure up and stuff. haiz. i just hope people around her will stop making life hard for her. stop making her worried. she won't be able to sleep. i don't want to lose her yet.... crap. i am crying like mad. my eyes are swollen. and i need to work tom morning. and it's my dad's bday. he just came back home. drunk like shit. what a new year. what a new year. i hope to catch you with my net before you leave mi 7:18 AM |
Monday, December 18, 2006
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| AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yet another horrible... HORRIBLE day. freaking weather. i got drenched in the rain AGAIN! waited 40 minutes for the freaking bus! piece of shit! and the whole time had to listen to some choir outside tangs singing some christmas carol. in the beginning i thought they were the cuz of the rain to pour, but it subsided after a while, 15 mins later they stopped. 5 minutes after that this girl started singing some unkown song and IT STARTED POURING AGAIN!!! SHE WENT ON AND ON AND IT GOT HEAVIER AND HEAVIER! SHUT UP WILL YOU!!!??? it's not that i want to be some kill joy or something, it's pouring, people get fustrated, and it's worse when all the other buses comes except yours! argh!!! last saturday,i had this customer, i helped her reserved two dresses. one long, one short. i took her name and contact as usual, pasted on one of the hangers and taped both the dresses together. she even wrote down my name and i reassured her yes i am reserving both dresses for you. i learned from my colleague that she was upset yesterday, i was not around when she came cuz it was my off day. apparently, the short dress got separated from the long dress. my colleague who was serving her was not here the day before so she doesn't know which dress it was. knowing that the other dress she wanted was not reserved for her she was upset and said " why didn't that girl (me) reserve it for me? i told her to reserve it for me" bloody hell. i taped them together ok. so when i went back in to check the dress was together with another dress under another name. freak ass. i clearly remembered i taped both together and the long dress was in front of the short dress. i alreday have a suspect. she was always in the store room and she was always arranging the reservation rack. who else can it be? i was so pissed cuz i, in my opinion, developed a good relationship with teh customer but because of some fella who has itchy hands my name is on the bad list. thanks a lot. but my day today wasn't all that bad. finally saw my teddy. i missed him so much. haven't seen him since last wed. he accompanied me to have dinner during my break. passed him his xams gift. bought him a calvin klein wallet. he's current one was pretty old alreday. hehe glad he liked it. =] sigh. i duno when i can see him again. hopefully on the 23 or 24. he;'s leaving for thailand with his family on the 25. he'll be back only on the 29. i'm going to miss him so....who's going to msg me to sleep? sobs. well hope i am to busy to think too much about him. knowing that he's unreachable just bring tears to my eyes. haiz. sunday it was my off like i said earlier. i was at my grandma's place. stayed over on sat night after work which ended at 11 pm. wth. woke up at 8, accompanied my grandma to the market. yawnz. i was still half asleep. but i can't let her go alone. i'll feel damn bad. whenevr she says she's just going to buy a few things, most likely it would end up to be a lot of things. lucky she didn't buy fish. ugh. saw the familiar faces of the auntie who sless pork, but duno what happened to her husband, i think he passed away already. choi. then i saw the fruit stall auntie. she remembered me too. boy, how much time has passed. and the vege stall auntie is wei jie's mom. i didn't see wei jie at the market though. saw his bro and his mom only. haven't see him in a while. went back. had roti prata, which we bought from the market coffee shop, for breakfast. love the roti prata there. grew up eating it. i still rem the uncle. haha. then went back to sleep. haha. my bros and mom arrived. so noisy haiz. but i ignored them. continued to sleep till julin came. yawns. chatted. hit each other's butt, ate together, lie on the bed together and she stealing my fav pillow.. haha. just like the good old days. haiz. my grandma wasn't feeling well. poor thing. her blood pressue increased. ha bloated tummy, and gastric problems. doc said she was too anxious. she needs to stop worrying too much. these months had been hard for her. my great grandfather's condition is always fuctuating. she has to climb the over head bridge and walk quite a distance to the mt alvernia hospital.haiz. poor thing. she's over 70. i wonder how much her body can take. i wonder how she could take the blow when the time comes for my great grandpa. poor grandma. i must start praying for her and my great grandpa and put all my own stuff aside. haiz... =' i certainly do hope some people would start acting properly and stop making my grandma worry for them. they are big enough and should be sensible too. so stop making grandma worry! behave you age! if her condition worsens i will take it out on you! i will not give anymore chances to you! i love grandma very very much. if you do then show it! don't just say it! if you do anything to make her worry again i will never ever help you again. learn your lessons! GROW UP! alright i gtg. i need to work full tom. hopefully i can go home early tom. i need to finish up my cds hw and my part of the project. tc nite. =ch!lz= worrying butterfly i hope to catch you with my net before you leave mi 7:38 AM |
butterfly [dreams]
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