this blog belongs to me, what is here is for mine to keep,
memories which i want to preserve, to keep,to cherish,
and to love, feast your eyes on my tales, but warn you i do dare,
to be honest,to criticise and say what i desire,. my life is unveiled,
exposed, to you...

[about moi].

this garden belongs to cilliness
Age:`18
Born in:`Singapore
Grew up in:`Philippines

[loves]
`to dance
`to dream
`to draw
`to cheer
`to eat beef, potatoes and tomatoes
`to listen to music
`outdoor activites
`my family
`my friends
`Clique 5 + one guy
`Teddy! x]

[Searching for]
`True Love
`the real me
`peace and rest

[The threads of my net]
.im a girl who nobody knows.
.nobody knows the real me.
.nobody knows who i really am.
.living another person's life.
.a soul in another body.
.wanting to break free.
.like a butterly tangled in a net.
.i never dared to break free.
.afraid of rejection.
.always wearing a mask to fit in.
.so stressed up.
.i want my life back.
.one thing i am sure of.
.i love my family.
.love them more than i love myself.
.i love teddy, oh yes i do.
.miss my old friends.
.miss the memories.
.miss my old life.
.miss the old times.
.when i was free.
.when i could let my hair down.
.when i could be just me.
.torn butterfly.

dont leave me [alone again]

[people in moi net.]

[links]

Adele
 AiZat
 Annabelle
 AqhARi
 BenEdiCt
 cHaRmAiNeX
 Cheng Earn
 CheRine
 EuGene
 HaFidZ
 HuiShi
 JaNAnI
 Janice-LiLing
 Jillian
 Ji ShEng
 Joel
 Ju Lin-GreenAngel*
 KoOnz
 Kt
 LyU-sis*
 Marcus
 MayguSs
 MelIssA*
 MelIsSaLiNg
 NeLsoN
 RoNg Hua-Uncle
 RongYao
 Sarah
 Stephanie-YanLing
 WanQian
 WeiJiE
 YiBiN
 Zuraida
 .

[moi]

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

hello people!!! haha yes yes, i am finally back. but you've got to understand i am a very busy person. haha now don't you roll your eyes at me. haha. alright why blog at this point of time? cuz i am so darn tired to do my stats hw so i decided to blog and something HORIBBLE happened today. yup.

alright. school started fine. accounts took forever to finish but it was fruitful. i clarified my doubts and found out what a dumbass i was cuz i looked at the wrong exhibit for the tutorial. shit ass.

lunch was interesting. crazy donation beggars. leave us alone. what regret shit man. nonsense. you are just upset cuz your flirting skills failed you and you can't even get a little boy fall into your trap. boo hoo.

comms skills wasn't that bad. i got an A for assignment which was really unexpected. like the A i got for accounts, i was so happy! haha oops! the girls are so going to kill me... hehe.. sorry. =p

shit man this fri have trial presentation. next week is test week. crap. after that is sales. busy busy busy. darn it. when can i rest? sobs. =[

i did something real naughty today! hehe but i won't tell you...hahaha =X

alright the HORRIBLE thing starts here. teddy was going to send me off to work but when we reach orchard it was pouring cats and dogs.it was so freaking heavy. so itold teddy not to send me to work or he would get wet. yeah. and a good thing he didn't cuz how would he explain to his mom how he got wet when there is shelter from sch to interchange to his place. freak ass. my entire jeans was wet. my cardi was wet. my bag was wet. my top was wet. my hair was wet. my birks was wet. basically i was totally drenched in the freaking ass rain!

i looked like a bloody idiot walking along orchard road with my cute purple bear printed umbrella which didn't help much cuz of the strong wind. everyone else was safe in the shopping malls or at the hotel lobby waiting for the rain to grow lighter. shit ass. everyone at the entrance of paragon was staring at me. when i reach my shop i was dripping wet.

even when i knocked of my jeans were still freaking wet. so i had to wear my work skirt, my purple top, my black heels and my cardi. i looked damn weird carrying my sling bag in that outfit. freak ass. and the bus was crowded today! ah!!!!!!!! i had to stand all the way! freak! 2 stupid fat ass occupied 3 seats. that one seat could have been for me. sobs! argh.

now i am here. with my legs aching. wishing my teddybear was here with me. so i could lie in his arms, and feel his warmth. sigh. i can't wait for that day when the both of us could really be together....

bloody hell weird dreams are haunting me again. i dreamt that my blk was a few metres away from the shore. i was in my room. saw a huge ship coming towards land. it was gi-normous. black and red was its colour. thick clouds of black smoke came out from its chimney. the smoke made its way into my room. my room was dark n smoky. i choked. quickly close the windows. it took a while for the smoke to clear. i looked out of the window. saw a huge crowd all dressed in similar white clothing which looked like some kind of uniform. they gave their attention to a long box in the middle of the crowd. it looked like a coffin. was it a funeral? it was so eerie. i woke up with chills going down my spine. it felt so real.

i was pretty scared that it is a sign. well, my greta grandpa is in the hospital. his lungs failed him a few days ago. he had to be hospitalised. dark patches begin to appear all over his body. it looks pretty scary. he was too weak to speak. everyone teared just by looking at him. haiz. the day when his lungs failed, my uncle rong hua was sleeping at home, my great grandpa appeared to him in his dreams, saying goodbye. it was damn sad. the pain and heartache he had was overwhelming. he was close to my great grandpa. i feel so sad for him. haiz. life.

alright. i gtg. im beat. wake up early to do hw. everyone is praying he could make it through this year and cny. hopefully he could. he will. he will.

=ch!lz=
cille

i hope to catch you with my net before you leave mi 7:33 AM

butterfly [dreams]