this blog belongs to me, what is here is for mine to keep,
memories which i want to preserve, to keep,to cherish,
and to love, feast your eyes on my tales, but warn you i do dare,
to be honest,to criticise and say what i desire,. my life is unveiled,
exposed, to you...
[about moi].
this garden belongs to cilliness
Age:`18
Born in:`Singapore
Grew up in:`Philippines
[loves]
`to dance
`to dream
`to draw
`to cheer
`to eat beef, potatoes and tomatoes
`to listen to music
`outdoor activites
`my family
`my friends
`Clique 5 + one guy
`Teddy! x]
[Searching for]
`True Love
`the real me
`peace and rest
[The threads of my net]
.im a girl who nobody knows.
.nobody knows the real me.
.nobody knows who i really am.
.living another person's life.
.a soul in another body.
.wanting to break free.
.like a butterly tangled in a net.
.i never dared to break free.
.afraid of rejection.
.always wearing a mask to fit in.
.so stressed up.
.i want my life back.
.one thing i am sure of.
.i love my family.
.love them more than i love myself.
.i love teddy, oh yes i do.
.miss my old friends.
.miss the memories.
.miss my old life.
.miss the old times.
.when i was free.
.when i could let my hair down.
.when i could be just me.
.torn butterfly.
dont leave me [alone again]
[people in moi net.]
[links]
Adele
AiZat
Annabelle
AqhARi
BenEdiCt
cHaRmAiNeX
Cheng Earn
CheRine
EuGene
HaFidZ
HuiShi
JaNAnI
Janice-LiLing
Jillian
Ji ShEng
Joel
Ju Lin-GreenAngel*
KoOnz
Kt
LyU-sis*
Marcus
MayguSs
MelIssA*
MelIsSaLiNg
NeLsoN
RoNg Hua-Uncle
RongYao
Sarah
Stephanie-YanLing
WanQian
WeiJiE
YiBiN
Zuraida
.
[moi]
Friday, January 05, 2007
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| oh crap. beginning of a new year but it's already bad. does the dragon and the pig have a bad relationship or is it just me? it's just the first week and i am having so much problems. Work first of all, my work. are they just taking advantage of me just because i find it hard to say no? so many people want to take leave and i have to fill in for them. almost everyday of the week i need to report to work even after sch. if i ahdn't request on certain days i would be working everyday except thursdays due to my cds. wtf. my supervisor seriously doesn't know how to plan. can you like gather all the staff and make an agreement on when they can take leave so i don't have to come in all the time even a week before my main exam. she even asked me to work 1 or 2 days before my exam. wtf. have you got any brain at all? maybe education isn't important to you but it is to me. fucking shit. all you know how to do is get mc and not turn up for work. tell us things not to do but you are doing it. she better back off or i will really scream at her face when she goes overboard. resignation is not hard. School because of work i can't finish my project and hw on time. wtf. i have no social life. i can't hang out with my friends cuz of work and i feel so bad. i keep forgetting stuff. can't get enough sleep or rest. i was quite diappointed with my rsb marks. i thought i had it. i mean, if i did badly i didn't expect it to be that bad. but i guess i shouldn't feel that bad cuz for the 2 subjects i didn't think i could do well i did well. and i felt really bad for my friend. she didn't do that well among us. i really want to help her but i don't know how. i don't really know her that well yet so i do not know how to comfort her. i don't even know how to comfort myself besides crying myself to sleep. i am so useless. and the guys in my class. USELESS. PATHETIC. first it was chong wei. ask me to get a job for him, then tells them he can only work one month and dec he has another job. wtf. and i am so freaking disappointed with yeo-koh. i had high hopes that he will be responsible. he asked me to help him get a job from fc. i did. i told him to promise me he will be hard-working, he did. then i get complaibns from my manager that he is always on mc. never calls the shop to inform them. so i told him. after that it got worse. he didn't even turn up at all. he can't even be bothered to return their call and just tell them he wants to resign. wtf. i never spoke to him again. sight of him pisses me off. worse, guys in my group won't do their work until we tell them to. the leader is the one who sets which day to have meetings and what we should discuss. but end up us girls doing the job. wtf. i can't stand it. basic requirements can't even be fulfilled. hopeless. Family i though things could change. i thought our situation will get better. wtf, it didn't. my father finally got his pay, he paid me back for what he owed me, he payed me back for my sch expenses and transportation fees, finally paid back my relatives whom my mom had to borrow money from. but they don't mean anything to me. what i want him to do is to save it. save it for a rainy day. plan long term. but he doesn't do it. still doesn't do it. he still splurges on things that are not neccessary! talked about getting a flat screen tv, bought a dryer, but what really pissed me off is that he BOUGHT AN EXPENSIVE GOLD NECKLACE. now wth is that? is that necessary? i told him to save the money so we can renovate our flat especially the windows cuz it's freaking old. wait till the day when our flat collapse into dust then he will regret that he didn't save. fucking shit. how old are you? always telling me to plan my future. you don't even fucking do it yourself!!! my mother. hah. always complain. she only knows how to complain. nag nag nag nag nag. as if i do not have enough things to worry about. yeah, she can't go and work cuz she has to look after my broither and the houshold chores but please, you are buying ice cream, buying chips, buying canned drinks and toys for them! is that necessary? always complain they are so naughty but you are spoiling them by buying all that! next my sis. hopefully she gets better. i can;'t take another disappointment. she better do her job well. she better not anyhow spend money. she better stop going to clubs. stop complaining that she's fat when she is always eating late or still goes out to have supper with friends. wtf. is that necessary. friends are more important then your family? and you claim that you love your family very much. then you should have taken up a part time job long ago instead of waiting for a dead end. keep partying like there's no tom. well soon there will be no tom if you don't start thinking clearly and be more sensible! you are freaking 21 and soon 22. you are the eldest you should be atking up responsibilities. instead, all responsibilties are pushed to me! i am the one saving for the rainy day. i am like a bank. when you need money you borrow from me and take ages to rerturn me and still can say i am irritating always asking for my money back. hello. i am paying for my own meals, my own expenses. i need the money. freak. and i have not been able to visit my great grandpa these few weeks. my grandma is always thinking a lot, stressed, blood pressure up and stuff. haiz. i just hope people around her will stop making life hard for her. stop making her worried. she won't be able to sleep. i don't want to lose her yet.... crap. i am crying like mad. my eyes are swollen. and i need to work tom morning. and it's my dad's bday. he just came back home. drunk like shit. what a new year. what a new year. i hope to catch you with my net before you leave mi 7:18 AM |
butterfly [dreams]
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